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A FEW PRE-SHABBAT WORDS FROM RABBI AARON

Badly Broken
Within this parasha rich in mitzvot, we find the text (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) outlining the procedure for divorce. 

If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance. 

In an attempt to encourage a discussion of the issues brought into play by the Deuteronomy text, I'm sharing a presentation of Jewish divorce from the website 
ahavat-israel.com/torat/divorce.php

Jewish Divorce

Judaism recognized the concept of "no-fault" divorce thousands of years ago. Judaism has always accepted divorce as a fact of life, albeit an unfortunate one. Judaism generally maintains that it is better for a couple to divorce than to remain together in a state of constant bitterness and strife. Under Jewish law, a man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, and the woman's consent to the divorce is not required. In fact, Jewish law requires divorce in some circumstances: when the wife commits a sexual transgression, a man must divorce her, even if he is inclined to forgive her.

This does not mean that Judaism takes divorce lightly. Many aspects of Jewish law discourage divorce. The procedural details involved in arranging a divorce are complex and exacting. Except in certain cases of misconduct by the wife, a man who divorces his wife is required to pay her substantial sums of money, as specified in the ketubah (marriage contract). In addition, Jewish law prohibits a man from remarrying his ex-wife after she has married another man. Kohanim cannot marry divorcees at all.

The Process of Obtaining a Divorce

According to the Torah, divorce is accomplished simply by writing a bill of divorce, handing it to the wife, and sending her away. To prevent husbands from divorcing their wives recklessly or without proper consideration, the rabbis created complex rules regarding the process of writing the document, delivery, and acceptance. A competent rabbinical authority should be consulted for any divorce. The document in question is referred to in the Talmud as a Sefer Keritut (scroll of cutting off), but it is more commonly known today as a get. The get is not phrased in negative terms. The traditional text does not emphasize the breakdown of the relationship, nor does it specify the reason for the divorce; rather, it states that the woman is now free to marry another man. It is not necessary for a husband to personally hand the get to the wife. If it is not possible or desirable for the couple to meet, a messenger may be appointed to deliver the get.

It is important to note that a civil divorce is not sufficient to dissolve a Jewish marriage. As far as Jewish law is concerned, a couple remains married until the woman receives the get. This has been a significant problem: many liberal Jews have a religiously valid marriage, yet do not obtain a religiously valid divorce. If the woman remarries after such a procedure, her second marriage is considered an adulterous one, and her children are considered "Mamzerim" (bastards, illegitimate).

Magnify the text - what is spoken, what is passed over in silence?

The opening line about no-fault divorce  is both slick and misleading. No-fault sounds so modern and egalitarian. The fact that the man is the only authorized initiator is mentioned without any comment. If only the man can initiate divorce [as only a man can legally initiate a marriage], what are the ramifications of this uneven arrangement? The text informs us that a woman's consent is not required. Without mention, we are expected to figure out that there is not such thing as a divorce without the man's consent. The text informs us [again, without comment] that the man can divorce his wife for any reason - or for no reason at all. No comment?! Any thoughts about the economic realities - in ancient times or in modern times - for a woman being tossed out of the home because the husband feels like divorcing her? 

Toward the end of the short article we learn that a Jewishly married couple remains married until the husband grants the divorce [either in person or by proxy] to his wife. A significant problem, according to the writer, is that ": many liberal Jews have a religiously valid marriage, yet do not obtain a religiously valid divorce. If the woman remarries after such a procedure, her second marriage is considered an adulterous one, and her children are considered "Mamzerim" (bastards, illegitimate)". Now, what about the case of a wife who is waiting - sometimes for years - for her husband to grant the divorce? I can't find the writer fretting over this anywhere in the article. What is the halachic term for a woman caught in the limbo of waiting for the divorce document [Get]? She is called an agunah. Ogen [pronounced Oh - gen/ hard "g"] means "anchor." The woman is stuck, anchored by the man's failure to grant the document. Within the Conservative moement, some couples opt for a ketubah which includes the "Lieberman clause," a carefully worded prenuptial agreement that stipulates a vehicle for halachically insuring the man's commitment to  do right by his wife in case their marriage dissolves. Two issues: [1] Not many couples are keen on including this clause. They don't often want to hear about such scenarios when they're so excited about the joyous preparations for a wedding, and [2] even a well-worded clause in a document cannot guarantee the husband's compliance.

Critically Examining the Model 

A couple of years ago, the JCC gallery featured a beautiful collection of ketubot. One evening the rabbis from the various memphis shuls delivered remarks connected to one or another particular aspect of Jewish marriage. I fulfilled my role as agent provocateur by critiquing the Biblical model which insists upon a husband "taking" [acquiring] a wife. I described an alternative model proposed by Rachel Adler [in her book, Engendering Judaism]. She suggested that instead of a man taking a woman to be his wife, both partners should enter into a covenant as equal partners. One does not acquire the other. They set out upon a mutual endeavor - with mutually agreed upon rules. No acquiring. Equal Partners. I had a conversion with one my Orthodox colleagues about Adler's proposal. He patiently and firmly rejected Adler's suggestion as something entirely out of the box of Jewish Law. He reminded me that the Law insists upon Kicha - Taking, as in the Man Taking a Wife (and the Man sending her away). End of story. (Polite) end of that discussion between the Orthodox rabbi and the Conservative rabbi. Duly noted. I'll let Bob Dylan have the last word here...

Broken bottles, broken plates, broken switches, broken gates
Broken dishes, broken parts, streets are filled with broken hearts
Broken words are never meant to be spoken, everything is broken...
Broken hands on broken plows, broken treaties, broken vows
Broken pipes, broken tools, people bending broken rules
Hound dog howlin', bullfrog croakin', everything is broken

Broken, indeed. When might it be fixed? When those people in leadership positions honestly acknowledge the injustice of this mess and somehow muster the courage to pursue justice by working on a real fix.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Aaron

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