"To be a teacher in the right sense is to be a learner.  I am not a teacher, only a fellow student."  (Soren Kierkegaard)

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A FEW PRE-SHABBAT WORDS FROM RABBI AARON

The Stories That Continue to Wound Us
Within parashat vayechi we witness the death of Jacob up close and very personal. Additionally, we can feel the painful interplay between Joseph and his brothers. You might say, "didn't we read of the tearful reconciliation in the last parasha (vayigash)?" Yes, we did. But if you think seriously about it - real family dynamics are just not that simple.  Let's look closely at the text [end of vayigashinto the beginning of vayechi]. In between sections, we'll magnify the details.

Then he gave them these instructions: “I am about to be gathered to my people. Bury me with my fathers in the cave in the field of Ephron the Hittite, the cave in the field of Machpelah, near Mamre in Canaan, which Abraham bought along with the field as a burial place from Ephron the Hittite...When Jacob had finished giving instructions to his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed, breathed his last and was gathered to his people...Joseph threw himself on his father and wept over him and kissed him. Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days. When the days of mourning had passed, Joseph said to Pharaoh’s court, “If I have found favor in your eyes, speak to Pharaoh for me. Tell him, ‘My father made me swear an oath and said, “I am about to die; bury me in the tomb I dug for myself in the land of Canaan.” Now let me go up and bury my father; then I will return.’”

Death and the Funeral Arrangements
Notice that during the death scene the camera is focused on Joseph and Jacob. The bond between Jacob and Joseph was unlike the connections any other brother had with their father. Joseph's brothers knew that all too well. Surely they all mourned but the writer's selective focus is a powerful statement. Years earlier, Re'uven tried (unsuccessfully) to come to poor Joseph's rescue as the brothers talked of killing him. Judah took the reigns of leadership when he suggested selling Joseph. They sold their brother! The brothers conspired to hide their deed by tearing Joseph's striped tunic. How they hated that emblem of favoritism, and how they resented the old man and his shabby treatment of Leah! They dip the loathsome robe in goat's blood. It's all in the text. Brilliantly left unspoken: How did the brothers live those lies during all these years? What an awful mess lay under the rug in Jacob's house! All of the old man's lies piled up over the years, the conspiracy of silence as the old man wailed for his lost son... And, again, on his death bed, Jacob affirms Judah's royal position, speaking of him in powerful, majestic tones. And now that the old man is dead - it's all gone.Joseph is in charge, and the brothers know this, too. Their guilt will surface soon enough.

Pharaoh and Joseph
Pharaoh said, “Go up and bury your father, as he made you swear to do.” So Joseph went up to bury his father. All Pharaoh’s officials accompanied him—the dignitaries of his court and all the dignitaries of Egypt— besides all the members of Joseph’s household and his brothers and those belonging to his father’s household. Only their children and their flocks and herds were left in Goshen. Chariots and horsemen also went up with him. It was a very large company. When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father. When the Canaanites who lived there saw the mourning at the threshing floor of Atad, they said, “The Egyptians are holding a solemn ceremony of mourning.” That is why that place near the Jordan is called Avel Mitzrayim (the Grief of Egypt). So Jacob’s sons did as he had commanded them: They carried him to the land of Canaan and buried him in the cave in the field of Machpelah, near Mamre, which Abraham had bought along with the field as a burial place from Ephron the Hittite. 

Look closely at the funeral procession. The rest of Jacob's family is mentioned last, after all the Egyptian VIP's. As for Joseph, he is clearly an Egyptian VIP as well. It's a big funeral; complete with all the honors befitting royalty. The crowd is overflowing. How did an old Canaanite guy score this type of treatment? One word answer: Joseph. He is very important. The brothers? Sure, Joseph took care of their needs - he's in charge. 

After burying his father, Joseph returned to Egypt, together with his brothers and all the others who had gone with him to bury his father.

The Funeral is Over. Now What?
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” 

Fear and Loathing
They're afraid of Joseph. He hates us, they're sure of it. So they lie. So much deception in this pain-wracked family. An aside: And where in the world is Dinah? Not a peep from anyone? Talk about getting the rawest of deals... No wonder Anita Diamant (author ofThe Red Tent) had to step into the breach and give the girl a voice! About time...

What is Joseph supposed to think when he hears the brothers' pathetic groveling lie? Surely he knows they've fallen back into their old patterns.

The Second Arrow
When their message came to him, Joseph wept. His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Here is a really strong response from Joseph. He is the brother who is in charge, and yet, he wants to extricate himself - and all of his brothers - from the poisonous cycle of wounding. Yes, you can say that he participated in this tragic play when he hid behind the cold mask of an Egyptian official. Still, he talks straight to the brothers: "I know how much you wanted to hurt me. And I've suffered a great deal. And I realize there is a bigger picture. I am in the position to save Egypt (and our family) from a terrible famine. God's designs are beyond the nasty bruises we've given each other." This story is not all about me, and I know it." As hard as it is to alter an old family script, Joseph wants to break free of the toxic dysfunction. Does he succeed? Maybe. At the very least, we hear him doing his best to guide his brothers toward a better life together.

Joseph is far from perfect. We've seen his spoiled, manipulative nature along with his youthful haughty preening. But his words in this chapter set him at a level beyond his forebears. His suffering [the pit, the servitude, the exile from his home] represents what the Buddha described as "the first arrow.”  All humans, aware or unaware, are wounded by a variety of events - inflicted by others or self-inflicted, large and small - in their lives. When the brothers grovel and fabricate an oath, Joseph feels pierced by a second arrow. All too often, we wound ourselves with a second arrow. We blame others, we blame ourselves, we wallow, we remain stuck. Still, hard as it is to change our story, we can. Witness Joseph's overtures to his frightened brothers. He is a chastened, evolved human being. Unlike those in his family before him, Joseph articulates a sophisticated awareness of a bigger arena beyond his own dreams and desires.

The classic commentators credit Joseph's steadfast faith with his being called Yosef HaTzaddik - Joseph the Righteous. Well and good, but I prefer another take. Joseph attains this great title because he achieved a rare awareness of self, and coupled this awareness with the dedication toward alleviating the suffering and the anger which punished him and the people he loved. Such an achievement merits being looked up to as a righteous person.

Crediting Inspiration From Whence it Comes
I am deeply indebted to those who meditate with me in shul on Tuesday nights. Over the weeks and months (and, hopefully, years) we all work to cultivate a deeper awareness of being alive and awake in the present moment. Some of us (myself among them) are absolute beginners; others have been seasoned by many years of cultivated awareness. Part of the Torah we learn is that the stories we craft (the deeds we do, the words we speak, the thoughts we weave) can hold us hostage in our own personal Egypt. Ironically, if we're fortunate we find out that we hold the keys to our own liberation. Easier said than done. The daily Shma is a Jewish part of loosening our chains. The meditation is about quieting the distracted mind, and paying attention more deeply. 

Thanks to a colleague for a powerful dvar torah
Some of the ideas for this drash were inspired by a published drash [Learn Torah With... 1995] by Rabbi Stephen Robbins.

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